


Let's Go Away

by TheLaziestMotherfucker



Category: Dynasty (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst, Cabin Fic, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Canon, Sex, post-2x03
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-29
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-08-09 15:14:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16452335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLaziestMotherfucker/pseuds/TheLaziestMotherfucker
Summary: “I know I gave you a hard time about running away earlier,” Sam whispered into the dark room. “But if you want to leave right now, I will pack my stuff and go with you.”





	1. Let's Leave

**Author's Note:**

> So I've caught up on Dynasty and that ending left me in my feelings and wanting to write

_“I know I gave you a hard time about running away earlier,” Sam whispered into the dark room. “But if you want to leave right now, I will pack my stuff and go with you.”_

 

That was all it took for them to pack two bags and drive away from the Carrington household that morning. They wouldn’t be gone long, Steven had assured Fallon that. They would be gone for a few days, a week tops, in the family’s cabin. It was the perfect spot. A wifi connection with a password that no one knew which would prevent them from going online and seeing headlines or gossip about them. It would unplug them completely, and that was what Steven needed, and Sam, while he loved the internet, did not hesitate to give that up for him.

 

**xXx**

 

“We’re not going to get murdered in this cabin, are we?” Sam said, trying to play it off as a joke but he was dead serious. He was giving up all technology, which was for the best, but he needed to be able to call 911 in case some freak in a mask with an axe came knocking on their door wanting to sacrifice them to Satan or something. He wanted to get away from the Carrington’s, not end up dead in a cabin in the woods with no one around to find his body.

 

“No,” Steven answered, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. It didn’t really make Sam any less nervous about it but he was relaxed to see Steven smile, even if it was small. After everything that happened yesterday, he considered that a win. “Even if there was a murderer, there’s small police station near here and the house has a landline that we can use to call it.”

 

“A landline?” Sam gasped, looking over at Steven who was focused on the road ahead. “What time zone is this the 90’s?”

 

Steven smiled again, bigger this time, and it was beautiful. Sam wanted to kiss him but he was scared of dying in a car crash in the wood too. He was just terrified of the woods. There have been too many ghost stories and horror movies that take place there. He’s just made it a rule to not be one of those idiots who go wandering into the woods at night to place truth or dare, or something stupid like that. Sadly, his husband was one of those idiots who wanted to go stay in the woods at night, so Sam, the upstanding citizen and loving husband that he is, has decided to break his rule this one time.

 

Hopefully it’s one time.

 

“Are there bears near there?” He asked, once again, dead serious, but also trying to keep Steven talking. He shut down for a bit after the shower, which was understandable. His eyes were wide and glassy, like any moment he was going to break out into tears - which he eventually did - and he was practically frozen. Sam had to pull him to their bedroom to get him out of the prying crowd. For what felt like hours but was probably a few minutes, Steven just sat on the bed and stared at the wall, trying to make sense of everything that was just said to him.

 

He never wanted anything like that to happen to him again. He never wanted anything to force Steven into space again. So for the car ride he was going to keep it as lighthearted as he could, and trying to keep his husband talking to him.

 

“I haven’t seen any.” Steven briefly glanced over to his side. “But I wasn’t really the hunting type so I don’t know what animals are near there.”

 

“Well that makes me feel better,” Sam said sarcastically. “If I see a bear we’re gonna go stay at a hotel or something because I’m not gonna get mauled by a bear. I’m not Leonardo DiCaprio.”

 

Steven looked over him with his brow furrowed, confused and amused at the same time. Sam waved his hand in the air. “It’s some movie he won an award for. I think he got mauled by a bear in it.”

 

“Haven’t you seen it?” His husband asked, returning his attention back to the road.

 

“Okay.” Steven smiled.

 

“Nope,” He answered. “It sounded boring.” He looked out the window and saw a roof in the distance. “Is that it?” He pointed.

 

“Yep,” He said as he turned the steering wheel right, pulling them into the unnecessarily long driveway.

 

The cabin was big. Not as big as the Carrington household but still larger than what the typical cabin was imagined to be. It was way too big for just the two of them, but that could be fun. The place was a cabin but it still had that Carrington glamour on the outside: rich and important. Or as Sam liked to think of it: an easy place to rob and maybe kill someone in because it is the middle of the woods and there is no security in sight. He prayed that Steven was right about the police station.

 

**xXx**

 

“Okay,” Sam started, walking towards him and over their bags. “This place too big to be a cabin. It’s more like a miniature mansion that people tried to disguise as a cabin to ward off any robbers.”

 

Steven laughed and leaned against the counter as Sam made his way over to him. His husband took his hands in his and pulled them close. Steven wouldn’t ever describe himself as shy, but in moments like these, when he’s close to Sam and at his most vulnerable, he feels it like he could shrink in his arms. Sam’s open with him and Steven’s open with him, but that doesn’t make what he’s feeling any less difficult to say or express. Sam would listen and he would comfort him, and Steven would feel a million times better than he did now, but all the didn’t stop him from being shy from time to time in front of him.

 

“Are you glad we left?” Sam asked, looking deeply into his eyes. It was a yes or no question, very simple, and yet he had such a complicated response to it. That seemed to be like his life after all. A house, money, and a family, it’s simple in that regard, but if the last 24 hours have reminded him of anything it’s that his life it everything but simple.

 

“I’m sorry to leave Fallon,” He said, ignoring the tinge of guilt he felt. He didn’t want to leave Fallon alone during all of this, especially with Kirby around, but he felt like if he stayed another day he might lose his sanity. Or what was left of it. “But I think this was the right thing to do.”

 

“Me too.” Sam supported him. His husband leaned in and kissed his cheek, then quickly wrapped his arm around Steven’s waist. “Now, show me which room we will be staying in. I’m hoping it’s somewhere near the kitchen.”

 

Steven couldn’t help but smile at that. He doesn’t know if he’s ever known someone who’s made him laugh as much as Sam has. But to be fair to the rest of humanity, there’s no one like Sam. He’s one of a kind and Steven was lucky enough to land him. He didn’t know if he really believed in God. His family was never religious. But he thanked god or the universe or whatever it was that brought them together. He couldn’t be without him.

 

**xXx**

 

“Do you wanna talk about it? We don’t have to. I’m just not sure what you want to do.” Sam said, looking at Steven while simultaneously trying to scrape out the crumbs that were left in the bottom of the bowl. Steven had been talking, and eating, but he froze for a second. Sam let out a relieved sigh that went unnoticed. He put his hand on top of Steven’s. “We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” His hand then traveled up to comb through Steven’s hair and his husband instantly relaxed at the touch. “I just want to make sure your okay.”

 

He nodded. “I just still trying to make sense of it all,” He said, twisting the fork around in his hand.

 

“I know. It was a lot to take in.” He ran his thumb over Steven’s cheek, watching as he closed his eyes. Sam wondered what he thought about everything. It was probably all scattered in his mind, Lord knows it was in his, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have any thoughts on it. Sam would be lying if he said he didn’t feel a bit of relief that came when they found out that baby wasn’t Steven’s. It was selfish and it was awful, especially since Steven was so torn up about it, but it was a huge weight lifted off his chest. He wanted to be a father, he wanted to have a family with Steven, but he wanted it to be their own, not a woman that Sam didn’t know very well.

 

He wondered if Steven felt the same way about that. He wasn’t exactly thrilled that he had gotten a woman pregnant either. If Sam didn’t know any better, he would say that Steven was dreading it too. He was a good person - he was going to do anything and everything for that kid - but Sam hasn’t heard of many people who are happy to have a baby with someone they don’t know or like. Doesn’t mean it’s impossible, but it’s hard to be excited about something that you didn’t want. Or at least, Sam hoped, that he didn’t want yet.

 

That’s when the whole father issue comes into play. Steven might not be Blake’s son by blood but he was raised by him, and they weren’t exactly close. They needed to talk about that more, but now wasn’t the time. They got into it a bit when they were fighting about the shower but after Steven left they hadn’t talked about him being a father again. He was afraid of being like Blake, or being like the rest of his twisted family, but Sam knew he wouldn’t. He was too good to be like them.

 

“How are you feeling?” He asked, hoping to get something out of him. He didn’t care what it was that Steven said. He didn’t care if it was the complete opposite of Sam’s thoughts on it, he just wanted to hear _something._ He wasn’t going to push him or anything, but anything that expressed how he was feeling would be great.

 

Steven shrugged. “Confused.” It obviously wasn’t a great amount of detail but it was something.“Can we talk about it later?” Steven asked, looking over at him.

 

“Yeah, of course,” Sam said. He stood up, kissed the top of Steven’s head, and then went to the sink to wash the bowl.

 

**xXx**

 

This was by no means their first night together, but they’ve never had a night quite like this. It was hanging over them like a thick, dark cloud, and neither knew what to do. Steven wanted to talk about it but he didn’t know how if he hadn’t made sense of it himself.

 

So they lied on the couch together and watched a movie. Sam was sitting up eating popcorn while Steven rested his head on Sam’s chest listening to his heartbeat. He wasn’t watching the movie. He wasn’t even sure if Sam was. They were both looking at the screen but neither were really paying attention. There were other past times besides watching tv, like going for a walk, but Sam would rather die then go out for a walk at night. He hasn’t explicitly said that he hates the woods but all his questions basically have the underlying notion that he is quite fearful of the woods.

 

Steven reaches for the remote and turns off the tv. Before Sam gets a chance to say anything, Steven sits up and kisses him. He breaks apart and looks into Sam’s wide and worried eyes. “Sorry,” He said, wiping at his mouth. “I just really wanted to do that.”

 

“It’s okay.” Sam remained quiet, unsure of what to due next.

 

Maybe this wasn’t the best time to have sex but it was what Steven needed. He didn’t need sex, he just needed Sam. After Sam breaking into she-who-shall-not-be-named’s home, they were a bit distant. Steven was still figuring out this thoughts on the pregnancy; meanwhile, Sam was clearly not on board it. As expected, they were in an awkward place. They were emotionally and physically distant, which was unusual and difficult for them.

 

Steven, more than anything at the moment, wanted to be close to Sam. He wanted to feel him and kiss him. He wanted to be reminded that at least one person in his life was real - that one person truly loved him enough to be honest with him - someone that was there for him, even if it was difficult.

 

Steven slowly leaned in again, eyes flickering up a few times to meet Sam’s, making sure that this was okay. After a subtle nod, Steven closed the space between them, lips meeting each others. His hands slowly came up to cup Sam’s face and his husband did the same. He moved up the couch, straddling Sam’s waist, bringing them closer together. It wasn’t heated, just…sweet. This was all he wanted for the night. He wanted to kiss his husband and feel him close.


	2. I'm Angry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam is dealing with his problems with the Carrington family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not gonna lie, this was not what I had planned at ALL for this chapter. I started writing and then I kept rewriting and then eventually I ended with something interesting. This chapter is focused more on Sammy Jo. I wanted to do both Sam and Steven's pov but I'm tired and a bit incoherent at this point and my final projects are coming up and I won't be able to write until Christmas break. Some of you have asked for anther chapter and I wanted to make sure I delivered something so you guys are waiting forever. 
> 
> I hope this is okay!

The phone was ringing - why the fuck was the phone ringing? The phone shouldn’t be ringing. There was one working phone in the house and it was a fucking landline! The phone was ancient, so who even had that number anymore? How was it even working anymore?

 

Sam felt his eyes roll into the back of his head once he realized where he was. He wasn’t in the Carrington mansion, but he _was_ in the Carrington cabin. Which means…Ugh, that it was probably Alexis or Fallon, trying to get into contact with Steven. Maybe it was Blake, but Sam wasn’t holding his breath. He was actually beginning to like Blake, but then he turned away from his son without a second glance, and now Sam didn’t know what to think of him.

 

No, it almost definitely Fallon or Alexis on the other line. He was so sure that he was willing to put down money for it.

 

This family really didn’t understand the concept of space. He shouldn’t be surprised by that. This family didn’t understand a lot of things. Like not lying to your son about who his father is for 34 years. Just off the top of his head. 

 

Fortunately for _them_ , Sam wasn’t going to pick up the phone to give them the satisfaction. Fallon knew where they were, she wasn’t worried about where they had gone off to, she just wanted to rant to Steven about all of her problems. Sam liked Fallon - she was his boss for Christ’s sake - but she liked to use Steven as a therapist and rant about her problems.

 

As for Alexis, she was probably just calling to give some sob story to give to Steven so he would feel sorry for her and forgive her. Steven was a forgiving person. His sympathy and empathy were one of the things that sent Sam head over heels for him. It was also what separated Steven from the rest of his family. So, obviously, Sam was _not_ going to let Alexis use Steven’s good heart against him.

 

Maybe he should answer the phone and say all of that. Maybe he will finally say something that will get into their heads. It is good to say what you’re feeling, after all. It would be healthy, in fact, if Sam gave them a piece of his mind. God knows someone has to. Steven tries but his family is relentless, and they usually end up ignoring him and do whatever the hell they want, damn anybody else who even _think_ about getting in their way. Maybe if he yelled at them through a phone, he would get the message across. He’s not much of a yeller either, so there’s chance he could surprise them and make them shut up until they get back.

 

His husband covered his own head with his pillow, trying to drown out the sound and Sam quickly followed by doing the same thing, plus pulling the blanket over his head. They winced and held their breath, waiting for the noise to come to an end. If the phone wasn’t in the kitchen, Sam would pick it up and instantly hang up, putting it to an abrupt end, but… Okay, he didn’t want to leave the bed, neither of them did. So, they waited until the piercingly annoying noise finally came to an end, and then the two came out from behind their pillows.

 

“Who do you think that was?” Sam asked, rolling over to look at Steven, who was pulling the blankets back over to his body.

 

He shrugged his shoulders and said, “Probably Fallon. Alexis probably did something to piss her off and now she’s calling me to tell me what a bitch she is.”

 

Yep, that sounded about right, but his eyebrows still shot up at Steven calling Alexis a bitch. She was one, and Sam had no problem with Steven calling her that, but he wasn’t really the type to cuss a lot, especially when it insulted someone else. Even though Steven’s relationship with his mother was never perfect, he was still closer to her than he was with Blake in some ways. If he wasn’t, he wouldn’t have kept in contact with her.

 

Now Sam couldn’t tell if Steven wanted any kind of relationship with Alexis.

 

Sam, personally, was absolutely fine with the idea of Fallon kicking her out. Honestly, he was more than fine with Alexis leaving. That woman has done nothing but bring pain to this family and tear them apart.

 

She consistently picked fights with Cristal and Fallon. Fallon, his friend, and Cristal, his aunt, the woman who he considered to be his mother.

 

She continued to insult Cristal after her death. She didn’t care that him and Blake were mourning. She didn’t care in the slightest that he was mourning her death while trying to help his husband – her son – recover after the fire at their wedding.

 

She seemed to get off on other people’s misery. She likes to make him miserable and paranoid, manipulate Blake, put Steven in situations where he would have to choose between _her_ or the rest of his family, and keep Fallon in a constant state of fury.

 

Sam would be lying if he said that he didn’t wish he had gotten to see the second fight between Alexis and Fallon. Alexus deserved Fallon’s rage, which in his experiences, is one of the worst to endure. He should know, he’s her assistant. She doesn’t get mad at him, she gets mad at everyone else and he sits back and eats popcorn as it happens. What can he say, he’s a man of simple pleasures.

 

The more Sam thought about it - the more his mind started reeling - the angrier he became. He wasn’t an angry person. He got mad like everyone else but hardly ever angry. There have only been a few instances in his life where he had gotten angry - so angry that his heart had been beating so loudly he couldn’t hear anything. His fists would unconsciously clench together - either to defend, protect, or simply keep still. His breathing would pick up, it would be so heavy and fast that anyone would think he had just run a marathon (god forbid).

 

Sam has never and would never regret marrying Steven, but a part of him regrets marrying into the Carrington’s. The very racist, privileged, self-absorbed Carrington’s. He loves their money and he loves Steven more than he has _ever_ loved anyone, but some members of this twisted family will never approve of him.

 

He was growing angrier and more upset by the second, and it must’ve been obvious because Steven nuzzled his face into Sam’s shoulder and took his hand. “Do you wanna talk about it?” He asked, green eyes gazing deeply into his own. His voice was raspy and his eyes were puffy from exhaustion and his hair was messy from bedhead, and he was so beautiful.

 

Sam wasn’t okay. He was tired and angry. He was so tired that he didn’t want to talk about it at the moment. He shook his head, throat feeling weak and tight. “Can we talk about it later? Like tonight, maybe?”

 

Steven nodded his head. “Yeah.” He let out a deep sigh. “I think there’s a lot we need to talk about.”

  
“Yeah,” Sam agreed, nodding his head. He put a small smile on his face and squeezed his hand. He leaned in and kissed Steven’s forehead. His husband closed the space between them and kissed him.

 

His other hand came up and cupped Steven’s jaw, keeping him close. He loved him. Truly, he did. He never really thought about falling in love. The thought passed his mind, but he tried hard to dwell on it. He had been with several people, some that he might’ve even loved, but there was always this nagging feeling at him. Something he could only describe as fear.

 

Fear of losing someone dear. He had believed his whole life that his father had passed away, leaving him and his mom with nothing. He couldn’t imagine what that feeling must’ve felt like. Then he found out that he was actually alive, but it was worse than he could’ve imagined. His father was an abuser.

 

Love was something that never lasted. And if it did it was never good. He didn’t want it and he never thought he could have it.

 

Everything has changed now.

 

A few months back he had proclaimed to his blood related mother that the Carringtons were his family. Overall, that was true. As angry as he is, Sam is equally as thankful. They stood by him and watched out for him (besides Alexis). They welcomed him into the family (hesitantly at first) and loved him.

 

A family was all he ever wanted. His family wasn’t perfect, but at least they had some sense of unity.

 

Ugh, it’s early, and his mind is incoherent. He’s angry at the Carringtons but he loves them too. Outside of Cristal, Sam’s never really had a family. Now he does. He’s still trying to figure out how it works.

 

Sam’s eyes roamed over Steven’s face. He was still awake, he could tell. His eyes were moving behind his eyelids and he was occasionally sniffing and coughing. Sam wrapped an arm around his husband, drawing him closer. Steven’s hand came up to his head and threaded his fingers through his hair; meanwhile, Sam leaned in close, pressing soft kisses to Steven’s neck.

 

His nose rubbed against Steven’s neck, breath spreading over his neck. He liked these moments. In the mansion, he downright cherished them. It felt like it was just the two of them. They tried to imagine that it was just the two of them when times get difficult, but in these moments, it really was just them.

 

It was them wrapped around each other. Breathing, talking, and kissing. It was peaceful and close. It was when they were most vulnerable. They were both new to the day that lied before them. Bad or good, they were going to take it on together. Fight or love so be it. It was all going to be okay.

 

“What time is it?” He moaned, not really wanting to get out of bed. He was no way a morning person, but his husband was, and he knew that he might want to get out of bed soon. He wanted to lie down with him for as long as he could. Which based off the growling of his stomach that might be in half an hour.

 

Steven rolled across the bed to the nightstand and Sam whimpered as he left his arms. He reached for his phone and Sam watched as it glowed in the dim room. “It’s nine.” He said. Sam pouted, ready for Steven to leave the bed and get started on his day. Instead, his husband tossed his phone back onto the table and sunk back into his arms.

 

“Oh, shit.” Sam rubbed his eyes and blinked rapidly. “I missed first breakfast.”

 

Steven snorted and tilted his head and kissed Sam’s cheek, making him smile. He took Sam’s hands and wrapped them tighter around him. Sam squeezed his waist and nuzzled his face into the back of Steven’s neck. Thank god he was staying in bed for a while longer. “You and your appetite.”

 

“You love it.” He smirked up at him, tugging the blankets back up to their chins. His chest was pressed up against Steven’s back and their legs and feet were tangled together. It was so warm and so close.

 

“I do,” He said, leaning in and pecking his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I most likely will not be updating until Christmas so please bare with me and watch out for updates :)
> 
> Also I'm so so tired so I apologize for my messy grammar and writing. I won't lie my writing was stunted for this chapter once Steven/James left. I wasn't really happy with 2x04 and I'm ignoring that it ever happened and I haven't watched Dynasty since because I think it's ridiculous how the CW has treated Nat (Cristal) and James (Steven). And I hate how they've left my boy Sam completely by himself. I think that's why I wrote so much of him this chapter. Sam has been through so much and they are leaving so much unexplored.
> 
> Feel free to follow me or message me at thelaziestmotherfucker on tumblr if you have any questions about this chapter, future chapters, or the show!


	3. Time To Chat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep trying to do two pov's but then I always end up doing one.

“I can’t believe you convinced me to come out here,” Sam said for the 20th time since they started walking. The air was cool, and the sky was sunny but shielded from them by the trees. It wasn’t ideal weather, but Steven was perfectly fine wrapped up in his coat with Sam’s arm around his waist. Steven shook his head, not able to contain his amused smile. He really underestimated his husband’s hatred and fear of the woods. “I mean, what are we gonna do if we see a bear?” Sam looked at him, dead serious.

 

“Probably run back to the cabin,” Steven said with a nervous grin. He didn’t think about bears, in all honesty. This trip was so spur of the moment that they hadn’t prepared for anything to go wrong. He hadn’t had much time to think about what they would do if they got lost, encountered a bear, or anything really. His dad had probably said a million things about what to do when or if they got stuck in any of those situations, but Steven didn’t travel to the cabin often, so he didn’t listen. He never was when it came to that sort of stuff. Especially hunting.

 

It was beginning to make sense why him and his father were so different.

 

“You know, someone must love you very much to go out into the deadly woods,” Sam said, giving him an amused side eye.

 

Steven laughed, and he stopped walking. He turned to Sam, took his hands in his, and kissed him. “These woods are not deadly,” He said, making Sam roll his eyes. “But thank you anyway.” He smiled, and Sam’s grouchy face disappeared, and he smiled back. Steven kissed him again but this time he was slower to pull back. He rested his head against Sam’s and wrapped his hands around his jacket.

 

He stared down at his lips, unaware that Sam was staring down at his as well. It would be so easy to kiss him again. He _wanted_ to kiss him again. The forest was beautiful and quiet and free from chaos. It would be so easy for them to give in and create some of their own mayhem. His body gravitated towards Sam’s, desperately seeking contact, something more than just holding, which has been the closest they’ve gotten to having sex in the past few weeks. They were right there. Together. Alone. It would just be _so easy_.

 

But something nagged at him. A weary voice in his head whispered that he shouldn’t. There was a reason for this trip after all. They needed to clear their heads and get some rest. They should do that before anything else. Sam was willing to leave for Steven’s sake and Steven needed to make sure that Sam was given the time and discussion to regroup, too.

 

He had always thought that Sam loved the mansion. When they lived in the apartment, Sam liked to complain about how much he wished he were back at the mansion by the pool instead of cramped in a small apartment that he had to pay rent for. Despite his love for the house and his hatred for the woods, Sam seemed a bit…different, more relaxed.

 

There were a hundred reasons why that could be. Maybe it was because it was just the two of them. Maybe it was because of how quiet the cabin was, unlike the mansion that always had people yelling inside. Maybe he had gotten proper rest, he didn’t know, there were so many possibilities that could warrant such a small change, but his mind traveled straight to his own family.

 

Steven knew that it wasn’t easy being introduced to the Carringtons. It was probably even worse when you’re married to one. Steven’s grown up with this drama his entire life. He hates ever single argument that occurs on an almost daily basis, but he’s used to it. No matter how much he hates it, he knows they thrive on dysfunction and at this point he has no option but to accept it or lose his family. He can’t imagine what it must’ve been like to be thrown into their mess with absolutely no clue of what they were like. He expected Sam to bolt after the first day there. Anybody else would’ve.

 

Suffice to say that Steven was happy that Sam didn’t leave. 

 

Slowly, Steven stepped back, giving the two of them space. HIs hands dropped back down to Sam’s and they stood still in the forest. Steven eyes met Sam’s and what was initially passion transformed into something serious, almost sad. What has happened to them?

 

Their breaths were drowned out by the rustling of the leaves, but they could see by the movements of their chests that their breaths were deep. It felt relieving and suffocating all at once.

 

His throat was growing tight at the bubbling confession lumped in his throat that wanted to be let out. It had been sitting in his head for who knows how long, and it was fighting to be free like the rest of his thoughts. He cleared his throat, bracing himself for the declaration.

 

To him, it was his deepest, most shameful secret. Something that he desperately didn’t want to be true. Actually, it was more like two secrets. He counted it as one because they were connected. One was known by everyone, the other was only known by Sam. His husband had guessed his secret, but Steven never actually confirmed it. He never admitted it to himself either. If he said it, it would make it real, and that scared the living hell out of him. He didn’t want it to be true. He hoped that if he didn’t say it then it wouldn’t be true, but that’s not how it works, does it? Verbal or not, what he feels is true, even if he absolutely hates it.

 

According to everyone else, Steven has a fondness for running away. That’s the secret everyone knows about. For him, it’s not so much a dirty secret but a dirty habit, something he would like to stop but never actually does. He’s running away from that too, he supposed. It would become clear to him how much he has done it.

 

This was the time to try to put an end to that habit. He had to stop running eventually, everyone did. If they didn’t, their body would give out. They wouldn’t survive. Steven was running out of breath and in desperate need of air.

 

His eyes tore away from Sam’s and he stared down at his hands, pretending like he needed to fix his gloves. “You were right,” He finally said, voice scratchy, trying to hold everything back. Sam’s eyes flashed with confusion and worry at his voice. “About the baby, I mean. And about me running away.”

 

Steven dropped his hands to his sides. He could only fix his gloves for so long before he looked ridiculous. His eyes still didn’t meet his husband’s. Instead, he looked down at their slightly muddy shoes, and a wave of relief washed over him as he remembered where they were.

 

“I didn’t want it. Not now, not with her, and… And I didn’t think I’d be a good parent. I love my father but - well, he was never the best at parenting. In fact, Anders probably did more of the heavy lifting with me and Fallon.” Steven rolled his eyes, meeting Sam’s once again. “And my mother….”

 

“Yeah,” Sam agreed, nodding his head. He didn’t need to say anything more about Alexis. They were both well aware of the type of person she was. Sam didn’t think he would be able to hear her name one more time without his head exploding. Thankfully, Steven left it at that.

 

Steven’s breathing was picking up as the words practically came flooding out of his mouth. He wasn’t quite sure what all he was saying but his mind caught up when he said, “I thought I would be like them. Or worse. And - “

 

“Hey,” Sam said gently, stepping forward to cup his face. His thumbs ran across his cheeks, drying them of their tears. Steven didn’t realize that he had been crying. His hands came up around Sam’s, just wanting them to stay there forever. Sam leaned forward, pressing a quick but reassuring kiss to his lips.

 

“I love my family, but…” He took in a deep breath. “I don’t want to be like them. I don’t want to raise a kid – my _child_ – to be like them. I’m away from them so often because – well, because they’re insane! And angry. And…”

 

He raised a hand to his temple, rubbing it in the hopes of preventing the headache that would soon come. He smiled and quietly laughed to himself. “Did any of that make sense?” He asked.

 

Sam nodded and a small smile grew on his face. His expression was understanding and free of judgement. He didn’t realize how that was possible. God, Steven loved him. “Yeah, it did,” Sam answered.

 

He pulled Steven in and hugged him and he did not hesitate to reciprocate. He leaned his head on his shoulder and he felt Sam do the same. “I don’t know if you wants kids someday, but…I think I do. With you,” He added, whilst sniffing constantly so he wouldn’t get snot on Sam’s coat.“ But I want it to be when both of us are okay and ready.”

 

“And ideally when we have our own place,” Sam added, voice lighthearted and joking, but Steven could sense the serious undertone of the comment. Or at least, he hoped to god he was serious. Steven would love for their lives to be somewhat as peaceful as the cabin.

 

“We should have one anyway.” They released each other from the tight embrace and Steven cleared out the lump in his throat. Sam’s hands cupped his face, still worried, and Steven’s hands rested on his waist.

 

They stood there for a while longer, eyes gazing into one another’s while they held each other. It was calm. And sweet. Steven wanted the moment to last a little longer. A few hours maybe. He wanted the whole trip to last longer than it would, but time was time. No one, no matter how rich, could change it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think I'll be doing more than 5 chapters for this fic. It's getting difficult to write a fic for a couple that isn't in the show anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts? Make me want to write more.


End file.
